I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
