Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
