weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
