If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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