i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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