My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
