Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
