Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
