Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
