When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
