I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
