went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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