i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize