i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
