What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
