i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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