I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
