Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
