Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
