I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think i just lost a toe
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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