you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
