the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
