why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
