Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize