I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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