omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
