you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
