I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
