My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
