Please, let me fuck your mom
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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