I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
