I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
