Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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