final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
