You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
