Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
