my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
