Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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