she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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