i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They have beer where we have blood.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
