You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
