He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
