Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
