There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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