im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
