tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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