I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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