That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
