xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
