Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
