It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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