I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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