I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
