Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
