Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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