I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
