so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
