What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize