I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
