We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
