Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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