I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
honey bunches of taint.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
