Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
