I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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