So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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