i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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