I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
