On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
