I just threw up on my dentist
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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