the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
