Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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