WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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