your thong is hanging out like whoa
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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