Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
